Redefining Family Time

 

Spending time together as a family is an important aspect of child development, and sets the tone for future relationships. But how does your family currently define “Family Time?” Many families face many demands on their time – job, social events, rest, etc. and carving out some intentional time can be difficult to do on a regular basis. The idea here is to try to find that time, and then define it to fit your family’s values, goals, and priorities. Redefining family time means that you take control and make the time you spend more meaningful to all involved. Given so many changes, it is important that we all consider our definitions of family, family time, and the bonds we create together.

Does that involve 1 hour each day? 30 minutes a week? Weekend trips?

 

Any of these could be beneficial, but they all require one thing… Intentionality.

 

Like many things in life, there is no ONE right way to do it. Each person, and group of people, are unique and have their own set of values. The same is true here. Your family may involve two working parents who are making great strides in their career, or maybe it is one parent who has to work as much overtime as possible. Perhaps it is a difficult time right now, and you are just doing your best to survive each day. ALL of these situations happen to us at some point or another.

 

And Family Time is still important…

 

Here are some ideas to consider.

Be Intentional

• • What does family mean to you?
  • What values do you want your child to learn from you?
  • How can you show them these values when you are together?

 

The answer to each question may come easily to you – but usually, it is complex. I encourage you to ask and answer each question, and talk about it with trusted friends. You may find that some of them are not as clear as you originally thought.

 

Being intentional means that YOU set out a particular goal or outcome that you want from the activity. This is the opposite of, “we will just try and see what happens,” which often leads us down the wrong path. Or at least it leads us down a path we did not want to go. Setting your intentions provides the context for what is important, what matters, and what is expected in your family’s life. This may shift and adjust as things occur over time (e.g., new job, kids getting older), but practicing taking control of what YOU want for your family is a great start.

 

Find the Time

• • How much time can you realistically devote to family time?
  • What days are you least busy, and have the energy?

 

There is never ‘enough’ time. That will seem like the case, and does seem like the case, for most of our lives. ‘Enough’ is subjective, and it fails the test when we are not intentional about what really matters to us. Waking up 30 minutes early seems impossible when we feel much more comfortable sleeping in on Saturday – but if we have paid for our first vacation in 6 months, then waking up 30 minutes early is no problem at all! The time is the same, but our priorities shifted.

 

This is why Step 1 (Be Intentional) matters. When you think about how quickly time flies when it comes to raising kids, a 1 hour walk in the park or visit to a family member’s house doesn’t seem like such a big deal. Yes, you may be tired – but consider the memories made in the long-term.

 

Again, intentionality comes up regarding what YOU feel is best for your family. If it’s 1 hour, 30 minutes, 3 hours on Saturday… whatever it is should fit with your family’s schedule and routine. This is not meant to suggest there is ONE right way. Your child(ren) should see their parent(s) making an effort to carve out time for them, whatever that looks like.

 

Be Patient & Consistent

You will need patience if this is a new routine for your family, including you. Waking up early, finding an activity in the afternoon, or going out on the weekend may be different than what you’ve done for the past 3+ years (for example). So do not be surprised if your kids, spouse, or you are less than excited about this whole Family Time thing. Patience with yourself will keep the energy up, and sharing your thoughts (good and bad) with trusted friends can help you maintain momentum.

 

Consistency also continues to be a primary factor during Family Time. Communicate with your kids about what you are trying to do, and let them know your expectations along the way. The first month is going to be key, so be sure that you are able to stick to the plan. Lay out a few options for the first few weeks, and have fun with it. Expect a few bumps along the way, but offer your family a bit of humor and optimism. Basically, you’re showing them how fun it is to spend time with them – because they are great people who you love and adore.

 

Partnering with Family Members

Involve your kids too! Your expectations could be designed by you, but also leave room for the kids to give their input. You may ask them to share ideas, stay engaged, put away their phones, etc. This is Family Time, and while you may get the ball rolling – help them see that they are part of the process as well.

 

Big Picture

At the end of the day, the idea of Family Time should be to show your child what healthy family bonds look like. You’re also showing them healthy communication, team work, and social skills.

By intentionally engaging your child in a family context, they are learning how to (1) be a part of a group, (2) navigate communication, and (3) experience healthy affection.

 

These are powerful attachment factors that positively impact brain development, social development, and cognitive development. Furthermore, learning to trust adult figures (e.g., parents) transfers over to better relationships with teachers and other leaders in their futures. Family Time is not only fun, but it also lays the foundation for a happy and healthy life.

 

Possible Family Time Activities

1. Jigsaw Puzzles
2. Online Games (party games with multiple players)
3. Movie Night
4. Pizza Night
5. Paint-by-Numbers
6. Mandala Coloring Pages
7. Walk around the Park
8. Scavenger Hunt (at Park)
9. Board Games

 

**One of the core practices at Clifton Psychological Services, Inc. is to create safe spaces for teenagers to express themselves. We would love to partner with more parents to help you create spaces that work for you and your family!

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